


At The Heart Of The Matter

by MyLifeMyLove7



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5776099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyLifeMyLove7/pseuds/MyLifeMyLove7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been almost three months since Abbie's disappearance and Ichabod has reached a point of desperation that only true love can bring a man to. He will stop at nothing to get her back. Even if it means making a deal with evil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At The Heart Of The Matter

The pain was too much to take at times. He wished he could hide from the crushing weight he felt every time he thought of that moment. The moment the one woman who meant everything to him walked into that tree. 

To another world? To her death? Somewhere but not here beside him where she should be. 

He searched that moment over a million times since that night. What could he have done differently? What could he have changed to make her still be here with him instead of there without him. 

Could he have ran a little faster? Could he have gone in to extract the eye from Miss Jenny instead of her? Could he have left that God awful box alone long enough to go stand by her side? 

So many questions yet the consequences still the same. The pain crushing his heart still the same. The broken heart that would never heal if he remained without the sole source that made it beat. 

He needed her. Always have. Always will. Not to fulfill his duty as a Witness or guide him through the twenty first century. No those were surface things. He needed her to live. She was his reason for being. 

His purpose in life was to love this woman and until she was back in this space in this time with him he may as well still be buried deep within that cave.

Because a world without her in it felt like that cave. Dark, cold, and void of life.

"Have you lost your mind"? Jenny yelled as she came crashing through the archives door with Joe close behind.

"Miss Jenny", Ichabod said jumping from the spot in the corner where he sat head down, knees pulled into his chest thinking about Abbie.

"Don't...don't you dare Miss Jenny me", she said walking over to Ichabod, kicking a chair unfortunate enough to be in her way, in the process.

"Oh my God Crane, what were you thinking"? Jenny asked frustratingly rubbing her forehead.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out about this", she hissed?

"Miss Jenny, I'm afraid I am unaware of what has you upset but I'm sure we can work through whatever this is". Ichabod said trying to calm his partner's sister.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. How could you do this? How could you make a deal with Pandora to get my sister back", she shouted?

Ichabod closing his eyes, dropping his head in shame. He couldn't believe she knew. How could she have found out?

"Miss Jenny, please", Ichabod managed to get out before Jenny cut him off.

"Is it true"? She asked as she cuffed her lips. 

"Did you agree to help Pandora if she help you to get my sister back"? Jenny asked as she fought back tears.

"Please Crane, please tell me its not true", Jenny said. Tears now streaming down her face.

Ichabod standing there not knowing exactly what to say. He didn't want to lie but he didn't want to tell the truth. It was not suppose to happen this way.

"I had no choice", he finally answered.

"What"! Jenny said in complete disgust.  
"There's always a choice. You just chose to do it this way instead of choosing a better way" she said shaking her head in disbelief.

"What other way is there", he shot back?  
"We have been at this for months with nothing to go on. There are no other choices", he said in a tone a lot harsher than he would have like to.

"Right, its been months not fucking years, Crane". Jenny yelled.

"This is not the way. She would not want us to do it this way", Jenny said.

"This is the only way. I need her", Ichabod yelled.

"And I don't? Do you think a day goes by that I don't miss her texts first thing in the morning wishing me a good day and telling me she loves me", Jenny's voice broke.

"Or laughing late at night whenever we watched The Golden Girls? I miss going through my mail finding random cards telling me how lucky we are to have each other", Jenny said wiping away tears.

"Do you think I don't look in the mirror E-V-E-R-Y single day since this happened and not realize this is all my fault"? Jenny wrapping her arms around her stomach from the pain she felt thinking about her sister.

"Miss Jenny this is not your fault", Ichabod said.

"I didn't listen to her when she told me to stay away from Nevins. I chose to go after him instead and I may have lost my sister forever", she said.

"Just like I chose to talk about the demon in the woods when she told me to keep quiet and I lost my sister for years because I did not listen". Jenny yelled bending over the table unable to hold herself up. 

"Jenny maybe we should talk about this later", Joe said wanting to take Jenny away from the situation.

"No", she said pushing Joe away as he approached her.

"I chose not to listen to her and I may never see my sister again. So excuse me if I don't want to hear you talk about choices or how YOU need her, Crane". Jenny said.

"I didn't mean....I know you need her as well", Ichabod said attempting to take Jenny's hand only to have her pull away.

"Well tell me, promise me you will not go through with this", she pleaded.

Ichabod just standing there speechless. He knew he couldn't make that promise to Miss Jenny. If there was any way he could have Abbie back he was going to do that even if it meant selling his soul to Satan himself.

"Hmph, Right", Jenny said as she let out a bitter laugh.

"Of course you won't promise me because you're selfish. Its all about Crane all the time", she said stepping closer to Ichabod.

"You want to get up and leave for almost a year and ignore my sister in the process. Hell why not"! She said not caring at this point about Crane's feelings.

"You want to escape purgatory with your evil witch wife and sacrifice my sister in the process. Yeah go for it because its always about what you want". Jenny accused poking Ichabod in the chest as she spoke.

"Come on Jen". Joe said tying to stop her but he knew from the look in her eyes it was way too late for that.

"Stay out of this Joe", Jenny responded.

Crane feeling anger at Jenny's words but also pain at the truth behind them.

"And now this. My sister asked me to do one thing before she left. To take care of you and I promised myself I would do that until my last breath", she said.

"I failed her when we were kids. I failed her with Nevins. Please I'm begging you Crane, please don't let me fail her at this", she said sobbing.

Crane's heart broke looking at Miss Jenny. Hearing her words about failing Abbie. He knew better. He knew how much she meant to Abbie and she never blamed her for anything that happened between them.

"Miss Jenny, I know you disagree with my choice but it will bring Abbie back to us", he said hoping she would understand.

"But at what cost? How do you think she's going to feel coming back just to find out she's lost you"? Jenny said viciously wiping away the tears from her face.

"She will not lose me", Crane responded.

"Crane, do you actually think Pandora is going to play fair? Do you think she will let you get Abbie and everyone will go there merry way and live happily ever after? Come on Crane". Jenny said with a sound of exhaustion in her voice.

"I know you do not agree. However, I'm just asking you to trust me", Ichabod asked.

"No! I won't. I can't and I swear Crane if you do this I will never forgive you". Jenny said rushing to the door.

"Jenny wait", Joe said going after her gently taking her in his arms.

"Move Joe. I need to get away from here. Please talk some sense into him", she said before breaking away from Joe leaving the archives.

Crane standing there feeling as if he'd been kicked in the stomach as Jenny's words echoed through his mind. Jenny was not failing Abbie. He was failing her. He fell back into a chair hiding his face in his hands.

"Hey man", Joe said as he pulled a seat up next to Crane's.

"Can I talk to you for a second", Joe asked?

Ichabod slowly raising his head looking at Joe with reddened eyes.

"Look. Jenny didn't mean what she said". Joe said seeing the pain in Crane's eyes.

"It doesn't make it hurt any less", Ichabod said.

"You know it wasn't that long ago you stood right over there in that very spot and talked me out of doing something crazy to save Jenny". Joe said pointing to a section in the archives by the shelf. 

Crane closing his eyes tightly not really wanting Joe to attempt to talk him out of this.

"You told me Jenny would need me once this was all over. Not a beast or some form of me...but me. And let me tell you something. There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for that conversation", Joe said looking at Crane wondering when this guy became like a brother.

"This is different", Ichabod said.

"How because its you and Abbie, Joe asked?

"Look I know how you're feeling. I went through the same thing. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach at the fear of losing the woman you love. The thought of never being able to tell her how much you love her. The fear of it being over before it had a chance to begin. Look I know but you have to stop and think about this Crane", Joe said raising his voice a bit.

"What other choice do I have", Ichabod asked?

"We won't know unless we keep trying. But if you do this and bring Abbie back this way...who's to say you will get the chance to say all of those things you wish you'd said? How do you know you'll be around to make a life with her", Joe asked as he leaned in putting his hand on Ichabod's shoulder.

"How is Abbie gonna feel coming back but not having you? Do you think she'll be able to live with that"?

"I don't know what else to do. What I do know is that I cannot live without her. The pain is too great. Not having her, hearing her voice, feeling her touch is too great a burden to bear. She is everything that gave me life. The air I breathe. The blood running through my veins. The hope soaring in my very soul. All of it came from Abbie and without her I am as a dead man walking", Ichabod said in a desperation Joe never heard.

Joe just sitting there not knowing what to say after hearing Crane's words. He knew how he felt. He knew the type of desperation in his heart because he felt it too. But damn....this was deep.

They both sat there Ichabod with his head down. Joe allowing him time.

"Look Crane, I'm not going to tell you what you should do. As a man you have to do what you feel is best. But what I will say is listen to your heart. Hear Abbie in all of this and figure out what she would say right now", Joe said leaving it at that.

He stood up gave Crane a pat on the back and left.

Ichabod sat there for an eternity thinking about Abbie. Pondering on Joe's words. His mind kept taking him back to that day he drink that poison to kill the Horseman. How Abbie told him there was always another way. 

She didn't want him to die. He thought of every moment from that day. From the look of relief on her face when she found him with his Mason brothers to the agony in her eyes as she held his hand while he drink that poison.

He remembered how warm and soft her hands felt. How he could feel her heart speed up when he lifted the poison to his mouth. 

How he'd seen a side of her hidden up until that point but he knew was always there. The tough Lieutenant that took on monsters and criminals was gone in that moment. All he saw was the vulnerable, raw emotion of the one person who would go through hell and back to save him.

In that moment he saw through the walls she put up. The pain that caused those walls and he simply saw Abbie in her truth and he knew right then and there she was the only person who would ever see him in his truth.

He kept hearing her words, there's always another way, playing over and over in his mind. Until it hit him and he jumped from his seat.

"God why didn't I see this before", he spoke out. 

"Miss Grace Dixon you are brilliant", he said as he searched the desk for Grace Dixon's journal. 

He retrieved it and quickly opened the book to the first page behind the cover and there it was the letter addressed to the Witnesses called The Timber.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this since the mid season break. Got caught up with my other story and well life and you know the rest. Hoping to finish before the winter premier.


End file.
